Saturday, October 10

GreenBean awakening

This post by Green Bean over at the The Green Phonebooth really struck a chord this week. Ive been feeling rather disinterested with all things indoors. I need to get out; stretch, walk, run, feel the sun on my skin and blood coursing my veins. Sadly, Im even more stuck at a desk, finishing off the last dying throes of my dissertation. I should be done in 12 weeks all going to plan. I just want to get outdoors and dig, play in the sun and the sand, focus on my business and get excited, plan the future, start sailing, prepare for Kel and Si's Big Adventure, downsize, get chickens, make cheese, fire up the pizza oven, have parties, learn new stuff.

Instead, Im stuck on a computer, 8 hours a day, longingly looking outside as the weather improves but having to generate numbers and write text. Im really gearing up for a sea change, literally. Sitting at a desk most days, crunching numbers on the pc with a bit of teaching disgruntled dental students and stressing about the next research grant is not really where i want my life to be in 10 years time. Something has changed in the last few years, I really used to love my job but I feel Im gearing up for a shift. I dont think its just PhD blues. Maybe it is? Anyone out there felt like this? followed their dreams and ousted a career they'd spent years developing? How'd it turn out? How scary was it? It this just my mid life crisis?

5 comments:

Rixa said...

I'd say first and foremost--just get the darn dissertation done! You'll probably feel quite revitalized and then you can figure out the direction of your life. You can do this!

And definitely spend as much time as you can outdoors. We're gearing up for winter here and the idea of it getting nicer is just lovely. Well, I'll need to wait another 6 months for that...sigh...

Barbara said...

Do what's in your heart and don't
put it off. An old friend of
my husband's died unexpectedly
this week and although he led a
very full and interesting life
(including a complete career
change from bank manager to taxi
driver) I'm sure at the end there
were things he regretted not
doing. Certinaly the thesis is
important but you've got a lot
of other things in your life
that are as well!

belinda said...

Honestly I can't think of anything more challenging than being cooped up at this time of year. Everything in your body is wishing to greet the new season front on.

It could be PHD blues, certainly heard a lot of similar sentiments from PHD and Masters students in the final six months before hand in. It could be your getting ready for a change of direction. Either way you probably won't know until the work is done. A month after ask the question again and I will bet you know the answer.

Good Luck and Best wishes
Belinda

Jacqui said...

I'm not doing my phd but I can relate to the wondering about where the next grant will come from and I can add to that that I'm starting to wonder if I really care about that next grant and whether it's time to move on, just when I thought career-wise, I'd found my thing. I'm working on a tiny essay compared to a phd thesis, but it's taking up most of my spare time and I'm looking out the window at the mess of our front garden wanting to get stuck into it and feeling trapped. Last weekend I just got out there for a few hours to let the steam off and came in and found I had much more focus so maybe you could have some scheduled garden time to help get you through. And watching my brother go through a phd over 10 years I can agree with the others that maybe it's not the time for big decisions! Wait til you've finished and see how you feel. Good luck with it!

Kelly said...

rixa- LOL. I KNOW!!!! *slinks off to do her thesis*

belinda- ohhhh, The Month After, cant wait. sage advice . i bet i know too.

barbara- yes, im looking forward to following my heart AND getting this thing submitted. Eek. Life is waiting fro me !

Jacqui- Im over grants! lol..just feels ike the treadmill and not developemnt of knowledge blah blah blah, you must know the drill. I think if i was really really passionate about my field i may be more enthused, but i fell into this area years ago , wanted the challenge and never moved on . Ooops. got comfy while learning. Yes, i will wait and then rip n tear!