Tuesday, October 6

feeling rather enamoured with...

...life as describe by Belgian Waffle. Im not really the cynic at heart, Im an 'optimistic soul' but there are philosophical depths i tend not to explore here. I kind of feel i do enough hard mental work in my paid working hours and enjoy the lightness of debriefing about the other side of me on here. Sometimes i feel 'lightweight', like I should be all philosophy and contemporary political opinion but I figure thats what I read other blogs for! To fulfill that side of me that is feminist thinking and politically deconstructive. Sometimes my mind explodes with too much information that I cant process and write.

Over time I have dealt with my fair share of mental health issues, been at the brink of despair; Ive had moments where i have felt that life is not quite worth living at times, understood those who wanted to end it all, even with children. Im not there now, but I do 'get' the darker side, I appreciate and empathise with people's depths and I really do love a good dose of cynicism. Im a Black Books kinda girl. But right now, Im feeling rather grateful for,

:: the hour every morning I spend with my man and my boy just rolling around on our bed at dawn, playing, blowing rasberries, giving and recieving big boy and little boy cuddles, reading books, reading books, reading books and testing out a very small persons new language skills. Its such a wonderful hour.

:: the chance to have a new life, a loving life, an expansive , 'give it a shot' life

:: the opportunity to view myself froma different perspective, to have a whole new self paradigm.

:: the chance to reconnect with family

:: new friendships

:: the ability to think outside the square and view life from many angles

:: to see opportunity where i may not have in the past

:: to experience life , to know pain and sorrow and to really know that I can cope and manage on my own and live and love even when it feels like life is ending

:: to have choice

::to have knowledge, an education, space and time

::to have land to use and water to run

:: teenage daughters who give as good as they get, argue, call themselves feminist and want to win the lottery so they can spread the feminist word ( i did remind them that you dont need mney to be a feminist! but they arued it could do more work, further afield, for longer...)

:: to have food and wine and love and laughter

:: to have stability and peace in my life. A precious, very precious luxury

Im feeling rather appreciative at the moment.


Jacqui said...

That's so strange to read because I was am drawn to your blog because you DO do those things here - I don't think you are lightweight at all! I find your blog honest and forthright (in a good way) and you often leave me pondering things (even if it is where I could possibly hang a dripping salami to dry out and go mouldy!) I'm a black books girl myself and I don't think any of it comes through in my blog - but actually I think I've learned a lot about myself by not expressing some of that there, although there are times when I'm also frustrated by it too. I guess what I'm trying to say is you have a really good balance and I doubt I'm alone in appreciating that! So thank you!!

Katy said...

I totally agree with Jacqui ( and I am another black books girl!)

I read your blog because I do think you cover all the topics you wrote about and more....you do inspire me to read more, look at food and the environment in a different way, be a better mum. You always seem to have a good balance and an extreme amount of talent at many things , both in life and blog.

It's all good....

Laura Jane said...

I think the thing about blogging and blog-reading is that it gives us the chance to peer (a bit, or a lot) into the lives of others.

We can seek or stumble upon those who complement or reflect our own selves to varying degrees. We can read the stories of others and think "God, I wouldn't want to be in her shoes" or "Yes, I feel JUST the same". And then we continue to read, and read over time, and we see how folks live their lives, cope with crises, think about things and issues, present themselves to the world, or catch a glimpse of the true-self they hide from themselves and others too.

I am reminded of Nancy Reagan's quote - "a woman is like a tea-bag - its not til she gets into hot water that you find out how strong she is!"

Some bloggers just naturally combine style AND substance, I think Belgian Waffle is one of them. She can really paint a picture....I wouldn't feel right not hearing from her daily, whatever she's going through.

We have a lot to be thankful for, thats for sure. It never hurts to be reminded. (The sausage looks great!)

Kelly said...

jacqui- gosh, thanks you! feedback is always so nice to get and when its just you and a keyboard you can have no idea how others interpret and really, you just write for onesslef, well I do... Made my day.

katy- thanks you too! doubly made my day. I dont think i was fishing...

laura jane- yes yes yes yes yes. Love that quote, might type it up and print it out. brilliant. I can nveer remember quote, or kokes, im shockingly terrible at those things...lol . Thansk, sausage is good.

Jen said...

What lovely commenters you have Kel! Their comments have indeed refreshed my interest in my own blog, and perhaps even finally helped me understand the point of blogging.

Kelly said...

jen - yes, its a wonderful mob that drop in here. i love youse all! ahh the point of blogging...its a creative pursuit