green reconciliation

My Greenliness has been challenged yet again. Maybe its dying some kind of death? Im challenged. I made a trip. No real need besides the one I chose to justify; just pure R&R. Girlfriends from various States meeting up for a weekend of togetherness; our annual girly Melbourne weekend. Kids and partners left behind. Massages and cocktals, highbrow dinner and bloated boardwalk walking. Pillows, pyjamas, movies and pizza and whisky and wine and yes... some shopping to be had.

652 kilometres- jet fuelled
New clothes from fancy shops, well fancier than usual...
No bottled water, all dishes got washed...
Our hotel loungeroom view - sinful on all levels! Lit up like a Christmas tree, burning tonnes of fossil fuel, but god it looked fantastic. We all spent time alone with it. Something about a city at night...
Jeez it was good!

primary bread person

The boybean and the Bloke have a fantastic relationship. Thats good. In fact its great, fantastic, wonderful, precious. It's so special to watch those two play; the bean squeals, cuddles, kisses, blows rasperries, hides, talks, all with an incredible sparkle in his eye when he looks at his Dad to check out if his behaviour and actions are pleasing. Its a revelation to me that look. Dads 'It'. The Main Man. Mr Love. When we're all together, he chooses Dad when he's fallen over and banged his head, when he wants a story or to play a game. I didnt realise I could feel this conflicted over two peoples love for each other. When I kissed them both goodbye this morning, having fun at breakfast with books and jokes and the bean pre-empted my departure with a wave, a finger point to the back door and a broom broom noise, my heart fell out and rolled across the floor. I came to work this morning with a rather bitter taste in my mouth. Primary bread winning, although it gives me a whole lot of intellectual freedom and exercise and some decent dosh, is making my heart just a little sore.

Haiku Friday

referenced by longing,
a mind, a heart, a soul, can
reach for dreams and grow.

wow. women rock

Thanks for the link Laura Jane. Wow. Hows that moment in the waterbirth! What an incredible snapshot of a natural birth. This has to be my pet peeve in life. The complete hijacking of birth by modern ...everything.

Haiku Friday

loves' many faces.
manifestations unfold.
thank you. I love you.

standing up for a basic human right

Yes, grinning innanely, in love, just hours after birth and just a step away from my special patch of floor where i birthed the Bean.(doesnt look very beany...more like a watermelon! 11.5 pounds or 5.5kgs of watermelon at home-it can be done! lol)
If you have ever thought home birth was an option, ever thought there may be something to be gained, had, by birthing at home, if you've ever imagined another way, then take some action now and support your right, your partners right, your sisters right,your daughters right, your friends right, a womans right to birth how she needs too.

Laws are notoriously hard to overturn and impending policy change is about to make a womans choice to birth her children safely at home impossible through the mechanism of exhorbitant insurance by way of lack of government indemnity and the link between insurance and midwife registration. midwives will be able to attend homebirths as a 'guest' but will have no recourse to a legal and respectful hospital transfer if required. This blog post written by my last homebirth midwife tells it well.
Homebirth Australia is organising a rally in Canberra on September 7 at 11.30am if you can make it, but they have also come up with what i think is a stroke of genius for those who can't attend but want to show their support on the day; a virtual rally ticket where "your pledge of $25 goes towards the printing and assembling of your head shot and message, as well as towards our continuing campaign to keep homebirth with a midwife a viable option for Australian families” and your ugly mug can be placed on Parliament House lawns.This act will help try to keep Homebirth a legal and viable option for Australian women who choose another way to birth. Attend the rally or buy a ticket to have a virtual attendance. Imagine having a law that mandated you had to take all mammalian pets to the veterinary surgery for them to birth their young? Sounds crazy like that huh?

work

this work trip has been challenging. I have been travelling around the country doing interviews with medical staff who work for and in aged care facilities. Doctors, registered nurses and carers who have been involved in a pilot project I have been evaluating on better management and treatment techniques for better oral health for residents in aged care, by way of group interview. Its the culmination of a life time of work of my colleague who passed away a few months ago, so its been wonderful to do this implementation and get such fantastic feedback that the pilot has been incredibly successful and the outcomes for residents have been transformational and improved quality of life for them like the carers couldnt have believed. However, despite such wonderful results from this work, after two work days in aged care facilities for high care residents...Im very certain that i do not want to spend my last days or years in one of these places AND I HAVE EATEN A FEW MORE CREAM BUN THINGS THAN I WOULD EVER EAT IN A YEAR! Been very busy in the hotel gym, morning and night! running, running, cycling, cycling.

Other highlight. Last night I watched the Footy Show after i got in to my apartment. Shower, bed, fell, button, tv, watched. First time ever. Couldnt but stay glued to the show that regularly showcases the biggest mysogynists in Australia who also talk football (yawn)on a regular basis, give lots of airtime to surprisingly articulate and empathic male CEOs who were demanding accountability of their players and refusing to resort to apologising for their demeaning and abusive behaviour towards women. I think we have just witnessed a huge public step forward in football leadership, i dont think we would have seen anything like this level of solidarity and consistency from the media ranks in the past,something has changed with this incident...and a small step toward responsible journalism and away from blaming the victim. The change in language and focus of the leaders of the game showcased, who refused to get caught up in the normal semantic tricks reporting of sexual abuse cases, I found quite incredible and yet believable. Maybe, just maybe, we have witnessed a small watershed...

its all about autonomy

That was the bit that really got up my nose, the straw that broke the camels whatsit and where it started getting a bit crazy. This post descibes some of the dinner conversation had with GPs which i posted about a few days back.

Well, what also got up my nose early on was the fact that they were all just oozing such a sense of entitled and unchallenged priviledge. So when they started ordering expensive wine from the menu and then judging it with sniffs and swirls (i was paying and they not once asked me if i would like to choose the wine -what would i know about wine- they assumed that responsibility for themsleves and before i knew it...ordered!)and beginning to diss off at midwives and irresponsible homebirths i just waded in. All that priviledge and expectation of being unchallenged had to be resisted! Upon hearing what i percieve to be 'mistruth' and ignorance speaking, I felt like i really couldnt sit with my own integrity intact and not say a word. I felt/knew we were equals, different professions, but equals non the less and i had as much right to wade in on the discussion as they did and i wasnt just going to shut up when they came back with a counter claim. Give them the last word just bcause...they were doctors? Hell, i teach critical reading and thinking, epidemiology and public health and i have a very up to date knowledge of the literature around birthing statistics and the homebirth debate and im a woman with 3 births under my belt. Game on!

What was very obvious, very quickly, was their underlying paradigm that women shouldnt have a choice in birthing "the day that homebirths become approved is the day i give up obstetric practice" i mean what was that all about? Loss of control??? I nearly said 'well that might not be such a bad thing then' but i didnt. But when confronted with the truth of their position 'seems you believe that women shouldnt be free to choose where they birth and should be made to give birth in a hospital?' they weren't comfortable with that either. Conflicted paradigms and unresolved principles...i struggle to get students to recognise their contradictions in logic all the time when im teaching, not with a bunch of comfortable professionals...

We moved through maternal and neonatal death rates being higher for homebirths, then when i didnt concurr and cited some contemporary literature (i dont think they appreciated journal, author and date references in a social situation) they suggsted instead we should be looking at neonatal morbidity, i didnt concurr. We moved onto the 'no time to deal with an emergency' argument and women being selfish and midwives encouraging irresponsible behaviour, i didnt concurr, repeating often that homebirth midwives are professionals, just as they were, trained in birth (doh)know when to transfer and have more experience in deliveries than most community GPs. Kapow! To top it off i suggested that women essentially have a right to choose the birthing care they want!

I think the big silent moment came when i suggested that contrary to their opinion that it was the midwives fault that there was no seamless relationship with hospitals in times of transfer from home to hospital "they dont want consultant support, its just outrageous" but that the system made it very difficult to have such a relationship. I spoke of negative reactions towards women and her midwife under circumstances of home to hospital transfer and that it just might not be due to midwife attitudes of 'defiant and egocetric irresponsibility' but possibly due to the adversarial and judgemental behaviour of specialists and the system that discourages such a relationship. The system does not support independent midwives and its not the midwives fault that she is not supported , she wants it, yet she must bear the brunt of not having it!

It was an interesting night. I never shy away from a good debate but only when i feel i have a leg to stand on. I felt i had about five in this case. What was really interesting for me was that the deeper languages of love, privacy, intimacy and respect for the process of natural birth and motherhood had no place at the table.

how to win friends and influence people

what not to do when out for a work dinner supposedly discussing 1.3 million of dental assessment stuff with a bunch of local male GPs who begin lamenting the loss of opportunity for obstetric care for GPs with obstetric speciality to reckless, incompetent, ego driven midwives and who then start talking about homebirthing and 'those' women who do it, in a not very favourable fashion...

respond like i did.

Criminal behaviour

Ive been meaning to do a post on this for a while now. its ridiculous. outrageous. Medicalised birth as the only lawful option if you want support during labour? Thats what we're looking at if the new maternity 'reforms' come into play.

women have been birthing, well... forever. I know. its the bleeding obvious. But its like death, highly regulated and god forbid if anyone should step out of the square hole and be a round peg and do it without a doctor. Yes , you could have a midwife in attendance in hospital, but who 'controls' the midwife? So, at the end of the day it amounts to the same thing. Professionals who are highly trained to deal with problems in labour trying to maintain control over a normal process; birth. A point so very well put by a group of obstetricians themselves interviewed in The Business of Being Born who, when asked how many natural deliveries they had been present at, aka no interventions given, they replied ...none. ZIP. ZILCH.NAUGHT. Wouldn't know what a normal birth process looked like if they fell over it. Comforting thought huh?


Brave is not the woman who chooses to birth at home, brave is the woman who gallantly tries to have a natural birth in the presence of an obstetrician, and their handmaidens, the hospital midwives. Its the medical snowball effect. Happens all the time , over and over, womens choices about their bodies restricted and controlled. Nearly 50% of Australian babies are now surgically removed from their mothers and its not because these women '"arent very good at giving birth". The really stupid thing, like jaw dropping on the ground stupid, is that the evidence, the multi trial EVIDENCE shows that home birth is as safe as hospital birth for low risk women (of which most women are) and hospital birth is more dangerous than home if you include morbidity to the baby and mother from hospital interventions in your calculations. The research also shows that to obtain the best birthing outcomes, midwifery care is your best option.


At some level i equate this kind of control with the efforts of multinational companies trying to control seed stock or water ownership. Its one of lifes fundamentals that just shouldnt be 'owned' this way. Women have a right to birth where they need to and with the support they need. By making it illegal for a midwife to attend, to be with a woman, at a home birth unless she is insured but then making that insurance impossible to obtain. Well thats just pure skullduggery flying in the face of evidence.

much ado about [milk]

i gave a presentation last night, i think i can call it that?? picture a moment where speed dating met a Powerpoint presentation. It was a Pecha Kucha style evening. Each invited speaker had 15 slides to present, 15 seconds per slide, each with auto transition (so no cheating possible) on the topic of Milk. It was the third in a series of 15x15 events hosted by Mulloway Studio and speakers came from all disciplines; an art historian, an events organiser, an actor, an installation artist, a philosopher, an interpretive artist, an architecht, a nanotehcnologist, me and even a milk protein scholar, all gathered together in the vast concrete space that is k2-02; the South Australian School of Art Gallery. Sounds good in theory right?

Somehow I managed to pack an overview of animal welfare, environmental and health consequences of our addiction to cows milk into 3 minutes 45 seconds and still came out somewhat comprehensible. I segued my way from bovine mastitis to nursing caries to greenhouse gasses to breastfeeding rates to maternity leave and around to plastic waste, across to salma hayek and back to unethical dairy farming practices, commercialisation and globalisation at a whirlwind rate. Im thinking that the designer audience probably werent quite expecting what i delivered, especially the tale about 'choco-loco fresh cow colostrum with added organic russian keffir grains'. I mean seriously, how first world greedy, unethical, indulgent and totally OTT is that?

However the take home message for the evening was definitely a questioning about how much dairy we consume, its impact and our complex and compromised relationship we have with the white stuff. It was a good night. Not a reference in sight (that nearly killed me as Im sooo well trained) and Im thinking that I might just take up the practice to have a glass of wine with crackers and cheese before every conference presentation; it certainly lubricated the 'have more fun' vibe, something every dental epidemiology conference can do with!

what mummy guilt looks like (this morning)

Im one month back at work and trying out this 'new to me' experiment that is 'The Bread Winner' (well, the go somewhere and actually do some work bread winner. Simon does earn bread, but its passive,; otherwise known as Capitalist Bastard in in my undergraduate lingo. Im think im doing pretty well, it is only 3 days a week after all. The hardest part is not getting up early, its not the school drop offs on the way to work, its not the work either. Its the getting home and not behaving like a paternalistic, chauvinistic 'what have you done with your day' bitch. Its really interesting and frustrating, and challenging and confronting being on this side of the fence after having grazed the pastures of the stay home mum off and on for a few years. The things i have issues with shock me; i mean when did i start to get all judgemental and prescriptive about having dinner ready, toys tidied and bathrooms clean? Its weird how expectations change. I know how time consuming babies are and if Im honest, i think if spent as much time as Si does on the floor playing with the bean, instead of concerning myself with the keeping a tidy house...maybe Im feeling resentful? Im not actually at the point of not wanting to go to work and be at home looking after the bean instead, hell no. I think its just this new way of doing things is confronting my habits, an old record i never knew i had is still playing away in the background. Im shocked at this archaic, quiet inner rustle of judgement that i didnt know i had, that works its way through my reason, about how it should be.

I think the stress of finishing my dissertation has finally come home to roost, Im in that final stage of getting it ready. Im turning inward, wanting to get cranky, and controlling and am not behaving in a very inclusive manner. Its all so internally intense. Im working hard to not let it loose on anyone. Im struggling to keep my congitive process in charge of my bear brain and to just continue to talk and negotiate our way through the quagmire that is responsibility.

So in our house, mummy guilt this weekend looks like bananna and maple waffles and Yahtzee.

there's a diva in the house

B2 loves all things theatrical and dance is no exception. She often spontaneously bursts into finger snapping, hip thrusting cha cha cha moments when you least expect it- like in the middle of a converstion. She is also rather fond of dramatic monologues with the bathroom mirror. Probably with a little cha cha thrown in, but i dont stick around too long for that. Theres only so much lovin i can take. She loves to watch 'So you think you can dance?', a TV dance competition and last night she had something to say, something very important to convey about the host, who is not only beautiful to look at in the very classsical sense, but a talented singer in a very successful a rock band. B2 said to me "you know whats different about her mum?, thats so different from all the other women who do these jobs on TV?" I preempted her answer, and thought to myself, great, shes switched on, making an observation about multitalented women. "You mean she's succesful in another area of life? and not just the pretty face?" i offerred.

B2 " No, shes got good knees"

food blogging

Whats the difference between a 'food blog' and just blogging about food?
I reckon its a recipe posting ratio of anything more than 5:10

My sister in law casually dropped a message on my 'wall' (Facebook term for page) last week saying she 'really liked my blog but it was very foodie'. (waving at YOU Jen!)

Now being essentially someone who is a little insecure; lacking in self assurity, it threw me into a spin being labelled as very anything. I have reflected on my tendency toward very food related posting in the past so it got me thinking and articulating (justifying) to myself about my interest in food and its place in my activism. Was i realy just randomly blogging about what we had for dinner? So i was really pleased today to find a passage in my current read, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (the irony is not escaping me folks) a wonderful passage that summed up my feeling about the important role of food, not just from a direct nuritional point of view or its role in shaping culture and family, but the big picture of food, the one that i strive to address by my choices and practices in my everyday life, the concept that drives me to include it in my blogging.

Eaters must understand that eating take place inescapably in the world, that it is inescapably an agricultural act, and that what we eat determines, to a considerable extent, how the world is used

It's what i try and teach my children.

I think food activism is a particularly very feminine approach to the current issues we face as a global community; it embodies feminist conceptualisations of the personal being political and while we may strive to have equity in our homes and in our child rearing practices, contemporary evidence still shows that women do the majority of the feeding tasks of the family; the decision making of the purchasing and the making and providing. My husband may choose to climb coal fired chimney stacks, head off the Japanese whaling boats in a small rubber dingy and organise pickets against GMOs, I do the day to day monitoring and purchasing of food and all that it involves when you are an ethical, sustainable loca vore consumer and facilitate and manage the planting and maintainance of the vegetables. Both are acts of defiance and intent, both are radical in their own way. Besides the fact, i really love it, food has always been my 'thing'. (If you have any issues with a feminist embracing the traditionally feminine, just head on over to bluemilk and start at the first post). So if what we eat determines, to a considerable extent, how the world is used, making good food choices; side stepping and opting out of supporting monolithic, polluting and unethical agribusiness, is choosing to use the worlds resources in a more considered way.

blogging blues

blogging when you're pissed off and totally angry is really friggin' hard. Im having a mega bad week, day 7 but who's counting, right? im soo miss grumpy pants and blowing off my own socks but i havent managed to resolve anything. we (me and the as yet unmentioned other half of miss grumpys problem) have made no space and no time. i hate that and totally when we have relatives over and really need to be in a good space for their pleasure and comfort but we have had no time or space to get into a better head space together so were going through the 'pretending everything is ok but everyone knows somethings off rigmarole' (maybe they cant but it feels that way). i cant remember the last time i was in a funk for this long - its totally stubborness related. i think im playing the 'im not gonna do all the emotional relationship work around here so im not gonna be the one to start the conversation, you have to start it' game. its killing me. im sleep deprived from baby, breastfeeding, parenting two others, menstruating and ships cook and i dont want to add 'emotional manager of the relationship' to my list. Fuck. I'd better do something about 'it' before we go on holidays! i just refuse to believe that men cannot start conversations of this kind and refuse to pretend that the catalytic blowup didnt happen. Im wanting a conversation but refusing to start it. just how juvenile is that ? ugh.

Salma, breasts and sustainable living

Just finished a brilliant post by Hoyden about Town which illuminates all that is wrong in the world right now. As we talk about peak oil, sustainable practices, the 4 R's, ethical living, the press still, still print perspectives on breastfeeding refering to it as an alien practice. Hoyden tells it like it is; cant get my head around the reasons people view it as perverse and primitive, save the fact that people are just uptight and dont like women who refuse to conform to a particular mold. Now for everyone trying to promote sustainable and ethical living, get up in arms about breastfeeding rates, or lack thereof, and promote and support the healthiest sustainable infant feeding practice and the basic human right to give and recieve human milk without all the leery, mysogynist crap that goes with it. Yay Salma!