Thursday, November 27
blogging when you're pissed off and totally angry is really friggin' hard. Im having a mega bad week, day 7 but who's counting, right? im soo miss grumpy pants and blowing off my own socks but i havent managed to resolve anything. we (me and the as yet unmentioned other half of miss grumpys problem) have made no space and no time. i hate that and totally when we have relatives over and really need to be in a good space for their pleasure and comfort but we have had no time or space to get into a better head space together so were going through the 'pretending everything is ok but everyone knows somethings off rigmarole' (maybe they cant but it feels that way). i cant remember the last time i was in a funk for this long - its totally stubborness related. i think im playing the 'im not gonna do all the emotional relationship work around here so im not gonna be the one to start the conversation, you have to start it' game. its killing me. im sleep deprived from baby, breastfeeding, parenting two others, menstruating and ships cook and i dont want to add 'emotional manager of the relationship' to my list. Fuck. I'd better do something about 'it' before we go on holidays! i just refuse to believe that men cannot start conversations of this kind and refuse to pretend that the catalytic blowup didnt happen. Im wanting a conversation but refusing to start it. just how juvenile is that ? ugh.