Wednesday, October 14

primary bread person

The boybean and the Bloke have a fantastic relationship. Thats good. In fact its great, fantastic, wonderful, precious. It's so special to watch those two play; the bean squeals, cuddles, kisses, blows rasperries, hides, talks, all with an incredible sparkle in his eye when he looks at his Dad to check out if his behaviour and actions are pleasing. Its a revelation to me that look. Dads 'It'. The Main Man. Mr Love. When we're all together, he chooses Dad when he's fallen over and banged his head, when he wants a story or to play a game. I didnt realise I could feel this conflicted over two peoples love for each other. When I kissed them both goodbye this morning, having fun at breakfast with books and jokes and the bean pre-empted my departure with a wave, a finger point to the back door and a broom broom noise, my heart fell out and rolled across the floor. I came to work this morning with a rather bitter taste in my mouth. Primary bread winning, although it gives me a whole lot of intellectual freedom and exercise and some decent dosh, is making my heart just a little sore.

6 comments:

elburro said...

ouch. funny how some things are exactly as we want them to be and yet still hard in other ways. it's kind of annoying that life really is about choices and that we really can't have absolutely everything. i struggled with that one, whoooey!

Laura Jane said...

Ow, I felt that heart hit the floor.

Its a wonderful thing, that lovely little 'Team Fella' they have going on, they're great mates, and I know you wouldn't have THAT part any differently, but I hear your pain. He's your only son...its nice to think he's a Mum's boy too.

(((((Hugs)))))

Em said...

Hey Kel, I've been meaning to tell you how much I appreciate your blogging. I haven't circulated a lot in blogland lately but your posts I always stop to read (and am too slack to reply obviously...) Mostly I like your honesty, your generousity. And the food posts of course, ah the food posts, mmm. Thanks Kel!

Squeeze that beautiful boy of yours and rub your face in his baby skin. xx

Kelly said...

elburro- hehe, yes, youre right. Choices choices choices. drives ya nuts!

laurajane- it was loud wasnt it- it happenned again this morning! owowowowow!

em- thank you for such lovely generous feedback. Its always so nice to know what people find here! I gave him extra squeezes and kisses this morning, even if he did wake us up at 6am!

kale for sale said...

Ohhh. So beautiful. I got the ouch. The kids I love can collapse my heart with a glance. I can't imagine being a Mom. You're so good.

Kelly said...

kale- so beautifully painful! i didnt think that even working part time could be so tricky! .