Friday, August 22

too many cooks...

I realise that Im fortunate; fortunate to have an employer who grants me maternity leave on full pay for 6 months, fortunate to be able to top that up wth my long service leave on full pay for another three and fortunate be able to have my husband at home full time to enjoy our new little boy together. We are an unusual family in that my husband has been retired since he was 38 and i go out to work. He stays home and keeps the home fires burning while attending to his Greenpeace and activism work; mostly an incredible amount of logistics, planning, phone calls and emailing. Its interesting parenting in the full time presence of your partner, ive never done this before. I was the fulltime parent when the girls were little. I stayed home for 5 years with my first born and 1 year with my second, before i joined my then husband back in the workforce. When i was at home caring for the girls, i did it on my terms, at my pace and in my way and when my then husband was home he pretty much managed the girls within a broad framework that i had fostered. Parenting full time with my new partner isnt easy, i knew it would be challenging. Ive had to let go of control, had to put words to my reasons for doing things that id previously done in particular ways, communicate better, communicate more. 'Because thats how i did it before' 'or it just feels right' just doesnt wash with my husband, he wants to know why i do things certain ways and has his own opinions about how to manage a baby and a family, most which make sense but are just different. He wants to understand and learn but it challenges the unconscious patterns and perspectives around 'mothering' that i have. Im still working at 'letting go of being right'. I have also had to work on learning to delegate, not trying to do it all and i've learnt that im really pretty terrible at it. Im really organised, maybe most mothers are, and having already raised 2, my time management and home economics are pretty good, i always seem to be 10 steps ahead and at times i get really resentful at being the one who is 'ahead' but we're learning a dance and my being a martyr just dosnt help. So ive had to let go of being right and to just say hey, do this or do that would you? invariably he always says sure thing but sometimes i just dont want to have to ask.

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