Tuesday, December 8

D-Day report

Well can I say I made a mountain out of a mole hill? Slight histrionics perhaps...hindsihght is always easy. How do you reconcile a 27/28 , Ive forgotten exactly how old he is now, year old with a 14-0n the brink -of -15 year old girl? You dont. You just cope day to day and communicate and set firm boundaries. Its been tricky but I have to say, meeting the guy today was a little bitter sweet. On the one hand, I wonder about my daughter and on the other hand, Im not worried about him at all. At first sight he looked just her age. I though 'no way, he can't be 27/28' He looks like a teenager. Awkward, uncomfortable, gawky. How I wished he was interesting. Id had in mind a professional, mature, interesting sort of person; my ex-husband at 28 years old. Nup. Kid. Ten years too old for his mind and body. Im thinking they are made for each other right now. She needs love and attention from someone safe and reliable and not complicated and undemanding and unsure. Check. (absent father issues, yes) And so does he (his issues I have no idea about!) I actually felt sorry for him. He'd get eaten alive in this family. B1 on her 15th cusp seemed more worldy and mature. How does that happen? The power differential that I imagined and was so terrifying to me just isnt there. She rules their roost. He is a kid who just hasnt matured. I even wondered at some stage if she'd got his age wrong. My 21 year old nephew seems so much older. Im a bit confused by the apparent contradictions he presents. He appears to be very compliant and no threat at all?!

For those of you who cared about the lunch menu. We had home-made burgers. Toasted wholemeal Portugese rolls, bio-dynamic beef with chilli, basil and onion burger, organic cheddar, home made pickle, home made sauce, mayo, 'garden' and beetroot. It was good. Poor guy didnt even make it half way through, even without the 'garden'....

I have been so happy to hear of experiences about relationships others have had with older men in their past; Em, Katy and my hairdresser. Reassuring at least. But Jeez, its a tough one to navigate with grace as a mother. Most of me just wants to say Noooo.


kale for sale said...

You are amazing. In spite of all the protectiveness coursing through you to serve such a civil and delicious lunch (bio-dynamic beef, of my!) with an extra helping of compassion for the young man. Good job. My hat is off to you.

wombat064 said...

Sorry kel,
as a Dad that yummy lunch would have had a prospective side order of Louiville Slugger if the young fella had even hinted tat his intentions were not good.

belinda said...

Glad to hear everyone survived the experience.

I will say there is a whole gammut of boys out there and some of them are way too young for their chronological age. I am glad that it seems that B1 has chosen to explore those absent father issues with someone seemingly safe.

Good work with continuing to being open to the situation as it is.

Kind Regards

Barbara said...

I was going to ask "how was the
lunch from hell?" but you got in
first! Don't worry, she'll get
bored with him soon if he's
such a loser (but on the other
hand he sounds just like my
brother was at that age and he's
finally grown up!).

Pip at Rest is not idleness said...

Ha, when I was reading this I thought exactly the same as Barbara, she will probably outgrow him eventually.

Kelly said...

the saga continues. Now 'we' are pushing for a sleep - over coz he doesnt drive and lives absoloutely miles away ...and she wants him at a birthday dinner...sheesh! Im gonna say no.