I waved the girls goodbye today, watched them disappear down the ramp and into the glass walkway that separates real life from the dream and their hazy forms step into the plane. It was a teary goodbye on both sides, B1 declaring undying love for her new brother (she said she felt like she was leaving her son! hehe) and wondering how she will live without him for the 2 weeks she will spend with her father and me feeling how i always feel when i put them on the plane; negligent. Negligent that my decisions in life have put them in a position wherby they have to go through this every school holidays to get the love and attention of their father. Ugh. I have to calm myself with reassurances that it was his decision to move to the other side of the country but it doesnt lessen my feelings of grief when i see them alone and facing their own selves squarely in that moment. letting go is hard, they hate flying! zen moment required.
On the brighter side- i get my computer to myself! no more sharing my pc with a teen. party hat on. Blog on!