Sunday, January 18
It wasn't nearly as painful as i had imagined it could be. Returning to work this week was seamless, almost painless, and certainly stress free. Having a 'wife' makes life a piece of cake. I feed the bean when he wakes up, then i take a shower, dress, get my breakfast and lunch orgnised for the day, drink the coffee thats been made for me, kiss everyone good bye and walk out the door.
Im very lucky to be able to go to work under such conditions, to have a partner at home full time to take care of family life. Working without the emotional worries, logistical complexities and financial pressure of paid child care makes going back to work a relatively easy proposition. There's no seperation anxiety on either side. For me the decision to have another baby at this stage of my mothering life with 2 relatively independent bigger beans was dependent upon not having to go the paid child care option but i wanted to keep working. He went for it.
I went for a run in my lunch hour on Friday when I'd had enough of sitting in an office looking out at the hills and sunny weather. I find making time for myself is so much easier when Im not at home and i can work it into a weekly schedule. As i worked my way through acres of old olive groves and alongside the river with its beautiful native shrubs and wonderful lemon scented gums i felt so free and so deliriously happy that i had tears running down my face. Im glad i had my sun glasses on... I was running in this glorious environment, B1 was off in the city with her friends, B2 was at that moment performing on stage doing show no 6 of her youth theatre production and babybean was at home asleep being looked after by his Dad and my PhD was back on the burner and looking in good shape. I couldnt remember ever feeling so content. I was at that moment One.Happy.Camper.
Leaving them both like this to navigate their relationship by exiting the primary carer dynamic for the days Im at work has certainly changed the dynamic when Im home. No longer am i the first one on deck to change a nappy, to throw a load of nappies on or to think about what the boybeans next meal may be. Simon naturally takes ownership of these a little quicker than when we were both at home looking after the little bloke; he's thinking about parenting all the time as a consequence of doing it full time. He's loving it and I'm loving him loving it; it makes all that pumping at work worth it. It also makes getting home really special.
Only 480 weeks to go...